Breaking: DHS Declares Wyoming Terrorist State

(Satirical New Service Wire) SNN has learned that Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Janet Napolitano has decided to place the state of Wyoming on the domestic state sponsors of terrorism list. This list, modeled on a similar list of national terrorism sponsors maintained by the State Department, was created to better prepare the nation against domestic terrorist threats.

When asked about the designation, Secretary Napolitano stressed that she had no choice in the designation. "The recent DHS report on Rightwing Extremism made it clear that this is a risk that we as a country cannot ignore. Wyoming is a boiling cauldron of ethnic hatred -- Whites, Sioux, Hispanics. These groups have been at war for hundreds of years and we cannot allow that to spill out into the country as a whole." She also stressed that the report wasn't a political document, but was assembled by the department's career security professionals. "These people have no political axe to grind. Their only job is to protect the American people."

Secretary Napolitano was joined by Obama Budget Chief Peter ORszag. Noting that Wyoming has projected a budget surplus for 2009 he stated "This type of national terrorism cannot be tolerated. In today's economy, budget deficits are patriotic. Wyoming's lack of participation harms all Americans."

In a written statement, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton agreed with the designation. "During the recent campaign, my plan to campaign in Wyoming was thwarted on our approach to the Cheyenne airport. Sniper fire was common at the airport, and the decision was made that the risk was too great to land. We diverted to Butte, Montana and drove to Wyoming for the campaign event."

The consequences of the designation are currently unclear. Currently FEMA personnel are en route to Wyoming to setup monitoring centers. "We will stay on top of the situation" said Secretary Napolitano, "We want to be proactive in dealing with these situations as they arise."