Many participants to this blog, particularly those on the center-left, have publicly bemoaned the fact that they appear to have "no choice" but to support The Porkulus (it's so big, it deserves a proper noun) because (a) "everybody agrees" that government must do something, and (b) Obama's plan is the only realistic one out there. Tax cuts, such as those offered by the House Republicans, are simply presumed to be ineffective, for two reasons.
1. Tax cuts OBVIOUSLY don't work because the last eight years have been nothing but tax cuts and look at where we are now! Or so the storytellers put it, anyway. Despite the fact that it's a complete misreading of recent history and an absolute abuse of mixing correlation with causation, nevertheless the myth lives on and continues to sway the judgment of otherwise intelligent people.
2. We are facing a gargantuan, calamitous, huge, ginormous, fear-inducing, awe-inspiring, underwear-soiling, incredibly large catastrophe of completely mammoth proportions that something as trifling as tax cuts cannot hope to conquer. Only strong, firm, and bold government action will work. And despite repeated attempts by myself and others to point out that the empirical economic data on a range of levels show that we are not facing The Greatest Of Great Depressions, but instead a severe recession akin to 1980-82, this myth lives on, aided and abetted by Obama's shameless fearmongering.
So, what is a conservative to do? Tax cuts have been rejected, and as our liberal colleagues are wont to point out, tax cuts are the only ideas that conservatives ever offer to any problem. Boys and girls, it's time to go back to the drawing board. We've got to come up with something better. And I think I may have come across precisely the right plan. Here it is:
Chemjeff's Four Point Plan for Economic Recovery.
First, we Republicans should come up with an alternative to financing any stimulus plan with large amounts of debt. Therefore, I propose that Republicans should step forth and, bravely and boldly, admit that Bush's tax cuts were a mistake. No no, it's true: they were simply a transparent ploy to buy votes at the expense of the public good. So, to make up for our past mistake - and it was a whopper - Republicans should advocate for immediate retroactive taxation, to collect back those taxes that never should have been returned to the taxpayer in the first place. Only then can we restore a measure of justice back to our tax system. At first glance this remedy may sound a bit harsh. But, as our liberal colleagues have been good enough to remind us for the past eight years, since the tax cuts were primarily "for the rich", then the average working guy probably wouldn't feel much of a bite. Furthermore, justice demands no less. However, if it would be too burdensome on the middle class, we can even go so far as to propose a refundable tax credit, on a sliding scale, to offset the burden of having to repay the taxes that are duly owed back to the government. Once we do this, then the government will have plenty of money to be able to deal effectively with the crisis and we won't have to worry about digging such a huge hole of debt.
Second, we must come up with an effective plan on how to properly stimulate the economy with this money, instead of the beast known as The Porkulus. And here's where our superior analytical skills can prove effective. While the Democrats just want to fritter it away on bee insurance, we know the biggest component of GDP is consumer spending. So, in order to increase our GDP, the most effective way to do this is to increase consumer spending. Obama and the Democrats are proposing inducing consumers to spend with gimmicks like refundable tax credits, or a few dollars put back on your paycheck every week. We know they won't work - they just aren't big enough to cause people to spend more! Heck if a whopping $600 check won't do it, what makes people think that an additional $10 a week will? And we are facing a HUGE crisis, now is absolutely not the time for gimmicks! So, we Republicans should propose cutting out the middleman - have government buy consumer goods directly. I don't know if government needs truckloads of iPods or sno-cones or Hannah Montana bedsheets, but that's not the point. The point is to get the economy moving again. So instead of gimmicks, we Republicans can offer a more efficient and effective way to boost GDP.
Third, in order to be responsible, we Republicans should come up with a plan for government to dispose of all of its excess consumer goods. Because, even after the White House is decked out with Hannah Montana accessories, there will probably be a great deal left over. We wouldn't want to just throw it all away; that would simply be wasteful, and environmentally irresponsible to boot. So, government can simply sell the consumer goods back to the public. But here's the catch: government can introduce progressive pricing! We already have progressive taxation, why not progressive pricing? So while a stylish 3/4-size Hannah Montana electric guitar might sell for $112.96 under conventional pricing rules, with progressive pricing, the poor needy kids would get it for free. And the rich kids who wanted one would pay, oh, probably about $5,000. It's no big deal, though, because their parents can easily afford that kind of price - they're rich! And government could set the pricing structure appropriately such that any excess money left over could be used to finance regular public expenses. We Republicans should be all in favor of this, because it would be a way to increase revenue for government without actually raising taxes! And for those of you Republicans who are squeamish about endorsing any plan that contains the word 'progressive', let me remind you that the whole purpose of this website is to construct The Next Right. We have to be willing to think way outside the box and contemplate any idea whatsoever. So get over it.
Fourth, we Republicans must introduce a measure of oversight to this entire operation. Because, after all, if government is going to be a huge purchaser of consumer goods, it stands to reason that there are unscrupulous vendors who will take advantage of government's deep pockets and jack up the price once they see the orders start coming in. So, as oversight, we Republicans should demand that government representatives should serve on the board of any corporation in proportion to that corporation's percentage of sales to the government. This sounds fair, and completely democratic too - it's not government overreach into the private marketplace, it is merely reasonable government oversight. After all it's not like government would be nationalizing banks or anything so foolish as that!
So here it is - the alternative Republican plan you've all been waiting for. I can't find any problems with it, can you?
