by Lance Thompson
The nationwide tea parties last week, despite being ridiculed and denounced by the mainstream media, were the beginning of an undeniable national movement to wrest control of the government from the big spenders and even bigger taxers. Though conservatives were much more numerous than liberals, the tea parties were not necessarily friendly to Republicans, especially those who favor big (expensive) government. This tells me that tea parties, with no allegiance to either the GOP or the Democrats, may give rise to the long sought-after third party–the Tea Party.
One does not need to be a reader of tea leaves to discern the clear and concise plank--smaller government, lower taxes, greater accountability. Being a grass roots organization, Tea Party collectors could solicit donations in Tea Cups at such Tea-friendly venues as NASCAR races, gun shows, and Wal-Mart parking lots.
Certainly the Tea Party would draw mostly from the Republican ranks, just as a new political party based on gourmet coffee houses would draw mainly from the Democrats. Seldom feeling welcome among the environmentally correct, caffeine-agitated, New York Times-addicted denizens of Starbucks, Tea Party members could meet for a cup in Tea Houses featuring FoxNews monitors, incandescent lighting, and RV hook-ups.
The Tea Party would have a big tent open to all–decaf and high octane drinkers, steaming hot and refreshingly iced afficionados, straight black and passion fruit devotees, not to mention traditional lovers and instant converts.
The Tea Party must be prepared for vicious assault from the media character assassins who serve the Left. TP-ers will have to prepare for such biased headlines as “Trouble Brewing for Tea Party,” “Tea Leaks Leave Stain on Coattails,” and the old favorite, “Teapot Dome Scandal.” Pinko pundits will tell Tea Party members that they’re playing into the hands of the Chinese tea producers, the Japanese tea ceremonialists, and the English tea purists. But this Tea Party will have a distinctly American flavor, just as the original one did in November 1773.
Ultimately, all political parties need a leader and standard bearer. I suggest we search for a man or woman who believes in the plank, is unwilling to dilute core principles, and is unafraid of being squeezed by both sides. For the time being, let us call that leader “Earl Grey,” and plan for a nominating convention in Darjeeling.
Whether this third party will be a tempest in a teapot remains to be seen. But Americans have had a sip of a refreshing new political flavor, and they seem to be warming to the idea. If nothing else, it has been an excellent way to let off steam