Watching the GOP's fortunes in 2008 is a lot like watching a professional wrestler getting thoroughly beaten down, yet every time he face plants on the canvas, he slowly crawls up to his knees and looks poised to get up and perhaps storm back for an ugly, late win in the match.
Unfortunately for the right this year, every time the GOP lifts itself up and starts crawling, something else comes swooping in and delivering a swift kick to the ribs, causing us to crash back down, even more defeated than before. The insanity about this phenomenon, however, is that the people delivering those swift kicks to the ribs which wound us more and more, tend to be republicans themselves.
It is a sad commentary that "winning" this year would be denying the democrats a supermajority in Congress, but that is about what it has come to. But now, because one one man, even that "victory" will be twice as hard.
Ted Stevens has screwed us twice, providing multiple humiliating cracks to our proverbial ribs.
The first way he has undone the right is obvious - he has betrayed the spirit of what it is to be a republican and has slavishly fallen in love with spending, pork and corruption. In the best Alaska tradition, Stevens has become the embodiment of what a republican traditionally would evicerate - but since he calls himself one that becomes tricky. But besides his revolting failures, he is now officially a criminal, and has brought about as much bad press our way as possible.
This has of course put his senate seat in jeopardy of falling to the democrats, placing them one stop closer to a supermajority. Given that (according to polling) they are on the precipice of achivieving this goal, this is all the more shameful.
But, being a corrupt, government loving monster who has defamed our party and put his seat in peril is only his first sin. The second one is even more egregious.
Once it became apparent that Stevens was no longer viable - that he was convicted and corrupt - he had one last opportunity to redeem himself, at least partially, and allow the republican party an honest chance to stop the bleeding.
He needed to come out with a commercial, paid for by all his remaining campaign funds, that had him address Alaskans, saying something to the effect of this:
My fellow Alaskans. I stand before you today to humbly appeal to you - not for myself, but for Alaska.
It is clear now that I can not continue to serve in the US Senate. I maintain my innocence, and intend to prove myself in the court of appeals, but no matter how strongly I feel about this, there is no way I can viably serve in Washington any longer.
Unfortunately, I am not able to be removed from the ballot for the upcoming election here in Alaska, so I can not give one of the other fine candidates in this state an opportunity to run on the republican ticket.
And so I appeal to you thusly - vote for me. Do not vote for me because you want to see me return to the Senate. If elected, I will immediately resign from the Senate at the beginning of the new session, allowing a special election to take place in Alaska - giving the voters of my beloved state an actual choice in this race.
This I give to you as my final pledge, as I appeal to your sense of fairness and your desire to see that good government be undertaken by your Senator in Washington. Please help me give the people of our state a real choice - do not let my unfortunate actions leave you with only one realistic person to vote for.
So, vote for a real choice. Vote for a second chance at a real election. Vote for what my election would represent - a chance to start over, to start clean, and to actually choose the best candidate for you early next year.
I apologize to you, the people of Alaska for being the center of this trouble - I only hope that this can at least begin to set right what has gone so horribly wrong this year.
Thank you, and good night.
Saturate this on the airwaves day and night constantly, do news interviews begging the citizens of Alaska to give themselves an opportunity to choose between two people by doing this, instead of choosing between only one. Make it a movement that appeals to people's desire to have options. These are the things he needed to do, given the damage he has un-necessarily caused.
But instead, he has sunk down into his bunker, insisting that he is innocent and that he will not only not resign, but that he will continue to run - under some deluded impression that he has any credibility or chance of winning left.
So, thank you, Senator Stevens for not only screwing us the first time, thank you for screwing us a second time by your refusal to do what is right (as cliche as that sounds) and bowing out as gracefully as is possible in this situation, by appealing to the voters to allow themselves the right to choose.