Matt Damon has shown me the light

After hearing all the hub-bub about it, I decided to check out Matt Damon's take on Sarah Palin.

I just wanted to take a moment and say, thank you.  Thank you Matt Damon. 

There I was, lost and overwhelmed.  With our economy shackled to the sub-prime mortgage meltdown, increasing fuel costs and constant international tumult, I knew my choice for President could not be taken lightly.  So I poured over policy positions.  I watched debates and interviews.  I consultanted experts and buried myself in history.

But it was you, Matt, who showed me the way.  You who wisely recognized that this question from a single reporter must actually be a desperate cry from America herself.  "Lead us, Matt Damon.  Guide us!" 

Some people spend their lives studying and refining the balance of disciplines that result in actuarial tables.  Matt Damon sees this as a noble pursuit, but requires only minutes absorbed and use them to make a political point.  Clearly, you've already done the research for a role as an insurance adjuster, Matt Damon. 

There are millions of Americans who see value in the day to day lessons they learn while raising a family.  And they believe these lessons can be applied on the macro and micro levels of human interaction.  These Americans should be sending Matt Damon thank-you gifts.  For Matt Damon has shown you the error of your ways with the simple quote,  "the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink - it's absurd."

Clearly, Matt, you understand me and my life.  Like most Americans, I'm sure you have a mortgage you're concerned about.  You probably wonder if you'll ever be able to retire.  I'm sure that, during your daily commute to a mediocre job, you think of your family and wonder if you'll be able to provide them a good future.  You're just like most of us Americans.

So finally, I thank you again.  Not just for the art of The Brothers Grimm, Eurotrip and Stuck on You, which by no means at all were a waste of celluloid and time.  And if you see fellow everymen Richard Gere, Susan Sarandon or their like, please thank them in advance for me.